Why did I attract a narcissistic pervert?

This is the right question to ask yourself! Finding the answer will clear your narcissistic pervert magnet. The answers are many and varied, but they lie within you.

First of all, we will put an end once and for all to the question « is it because I am weak? »  » NOPE. Here is a little reminder of what narcissistic perverts are to convince you definitively.

What is a narcissistic pervert?

It is a toxic personality, which vampirizes its victims, it projects on them the parts of itself which it does not support. This type of personality never questions himself, manages to put his responsibilities in the hands of others while pretending to be the man (or woman) of the situation. He/she devalues ​​and isolates starting with a phase of seduction where he/she will make the most beautiful promises and the most beautiful gifts. By definition, a narcissistic pervert needs prey to live, to feed on his substance by draining his victim of all his energy. Finally, she no longer knows how to think, feel and live without him/her. So definitely NO narcissistic perverts don’t prey on weak people. They need someone strong, loving, benevolent and full of energy otherwise, the prey does not interest them. It is to prevent his prey from running out of steam too much that he/she goes from the seduction phases to the devaluation and isolation phases (a previous chronicle speaks of the phases of control, to read here). Come to terms with yourself on this issue. Let’s see now what, in most of the cases that I have met in consultation, support groups, conferences and workshops, at your place* has made you attract a narcissistic pervert.

Your flaws are reflected

Be careful, I am talking about flaws here, not the structure of your personalities. A PN lacked love, appreciation, structure, solid foundations to build a sufficiently high self-esteem. Remind you of someone? Maybe yourself… Your flaws overlap and when we say that the people we attract into our lives are only the reflection of a part of ourselves, it’s true. This is what, perhaps, made you attract a PN in your life. Also, PN personalities have this ability to infiltrate exactly where you have a lack, a need. They scan your inner being and tell you exactly what you want to hear. This is one of the most confusing things with these people. If you have attracted a PN (or even several) it is therefore not because you are PN yourself, it is because you have the same flaws.

You are a savior

The PN have the art (another one) of pretending to be victims. They say they are misunderstood, unloved, rejected, victims of their ex, their parents, their boss, their children,… In short, of everything and everyone. They go from laughter to tears in a thousandth of a second, telling you that they have never felt so good and confident with someone else than with you. If you are even a little bit a savior, it’s BINGO. You are caught in the gears. Your ego will be enhanced, you will feel invested with a mission and you will sincerely want to help your new love. Bread blessed for the PN. At first, you will excuse overflows, insults, physical violence. You’ll blame it all on your PN’s painful past. In the meantime, you slowly turn off. No one should ever forget themselves to help the other. It should be a rule taught in school.

One of your parents is PN

And yes… In many cases, we end up realizing that one of the parents of a victim was also a FN. Suddenly, you simply reproduce the pattern you know. You grew up in an unloving, demeaning, violent environment. You know a couple pattern and you « think » it is normal and common. You do not know that a relationship can be serene and balanced. In addition, if you had a PN parent, you haven’t learned to respect yourself, to love yourself, to set your limits. You have never tasted unconditional love, you think you have to accept the unacceptable to be loved. So, quite naturally, you put that back into your relationship.

How to get out?

First become aware of what, in you, made you attract a PN. It will be easier to clean it afterwards and you can take care of it. Read on the subject as much as you can, you need to be confronted with your reality to believe it and be convinced of it. But, I will not budge, get help! The victims of PN need to rebuild themselves, to put their feet back in reality, to learn to respect themselves, to love themselves, to increase their self-esteem and this is only possible with a neutral person. You need to hear from a professional that you are not crazy, that you have suffered and that it is time to give yourself the right to rebuild yourself.

Anyway, it is quite possible to get out of the clutches of a PN and recover everything that makes you who you are.

* This column is aimed at both men and women who are victims of PN, men or women. In order not to weigh down the form and make it easier to read, we have not feminized the grammatical turns everywhere.

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