Overwhelmed by family « medical burden », women forget about their own health

“My husband surprised me once! When he picked up our daughter from her grandma’s, he realized that she had a very bad earache. So he made the decision to take her to the GP on his own. »

For Dounia, this day was marked with a white stone. Mother of two little girls aged three and a year and a half, it is she who usually manages all the medical appointments in her home. Not only those of her children, but also those of her 43-year-old husband and her 70-year-old mother, for whom she also takes care of “taking the taxi” to the consulting room.

Dounia is far from the only woman on whom this « medical burden » weighs. According to a recent survey carried out by OpinionWay for the e-health site Qare, 67% of them believe that they are the main parent who takes care of all the medical tasks of the children. Women would also be 70% to regularly take care of the health of their spouse.

« It’s up to me to choose the pediatrician, to make an appointment, to find out about the specialists, to make sure that we are up to date on the vaccines, to choose the mutual insurance company, to ask for quotes, to send the care sheets, check the reimbursements, to be sure that no medication is skipped…, lists Dounia. Sometimes it’s really complicated. »

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Health, a task traditionally devoted to women

It is all the more complicated since, for women, the fact of bearing sole responsibility for the good health of their family is superimposed on the famous « mental load » that the designer Emma had contributed to making known in her comic strip. “You should have asked! « . Not only predisposed not to forget to do the shopping, enroll the children in the canteen or pay for the childminder, they must also assume the medical burden which includes the logistical burden (appointments with the doctor and administrative paperwork), as well as the mental health burden (having to think about it daily) and the economic burden, i.e. the budget devoted to it.

For Julie Salomon, pediatrician and medical director of Qare, if women today are responsible for dealing with health issues, it is because they were encouraged to do so centuries earlier. “Since the dawn of time, the breastfeeding woman has always been the one who was assigned to the feeding and hygienic care of children. Gradually, this field of hygiene has been transformed into care for the prevention of disease and health », develops the doctor who regrets that this scheme still remains today « deeply anchored in mentalities » while The societal status of women has since evolved greatly.

“He never took the initiative for a medical appointment and if I forget to give my daughter the syrup one evening he won’t think about it anymore. »

Result, the latter must now combine their career and their family, which is not always easy on a daily basis… Especially since men are always reluctant to invest this share of responsibility. Stéphanie*, who holds an important position in addition to the education of three children aged 3 to 11, can attest to this. If her spouse « knows where the health records are », he « would have a hard time saying where the children are in their vaccinations and when the next appointments are scheduled… it has always been like this and it is rare that ‘he handles that stuff, unless I can’t.’ And even then, Stephanie acknowledges that she thinks of everything by giving him the address and schedule of the appointment and a list of questions for the doctor. “But he never took the initiative for a medical appointment and if I forget to give my daughter the syrup one evening he won’t think about it anymore. Or if he thinks about it, he won’t give it to him but will just remind me to do it. »

Health, an area disinvested by fathers

For Dr. Julie Salomon, these inequalities in health management are also due to the physiological differences between men and women. Confronted very early on with making contact with doctors « through the entry route of gynecological follow-up », the latter then remain in the bosom of doctors during their pregnancy, and are therefore more easily responsive to care. medical, whether care, preventive actions or screening. Conversely, men « between adolescence and their fifties are lost sight of by doctors », underlines the pediatrician. Consequence: “men remain novices vis-à-vis the health problems that may arise, while women will be so involved that they will feel expert on the subject, and encourage their spouse to consult. »

Because they feel little invested in health issues, men choose to turn away from it. It is then up to their companion to take care of it. This is the case in the home of Mathilde, mother-in-law of a preteen and mother of a nine-month-old boy. “I am the one who makes the appointments with the dentist and the osteopath for my spouse. He goes alone to appointments, but when he comes back, it’s me who goes to get his medication. »

This disinvestment is also flagrant in medical practices or even on teleconsultation sites. “As a pediatrician, we notice that many women come for a pediatric consultation, recognizes Dr. Julie Salomon. They are the ones who have the information on the history of the child’s illness, who remember to bring the health record, etc. The health professional observes that for the dads who consult her it is sometimes « as if they were picking up their child at football ». “When a dad comes, it happens that he doesn’t have all the information. I then have to call the mother to propose a diagnostic hypothesis and a treatment, and then explain what the treatment and monitoring will be. »

Discrimination perpetuated by public health policies

However, men are not solely responsible for perpetuating this medical burden on women. Dr. Julie Salomon also points to gender bias in public policy, which begins with the birth of the first child. “In the maternity ward, it’s the woman who will stay three days in the maternity ward. The doctors will speak to her, give her the first information. She will therefore she will gain in expertise. The pediatrician also hopes that the recent extension of paternity leave will encourage men to invest more during the first medical interactions, whether with the pediatrician or at the PMI.

Another example of lack of public policies identified by the pediatrician: that of vaccination against the papillomavirus. “When France started to vaccinate, it specifically targeted girls because they are the ones who develop the most lesions. However, it is a sexually transmitted infection (STI), so it can also affect boys and cause them complications, which are less frequent but just as serious. »

Impact on women’s lives and health

This medical burden also has consequences on women’s lives. According to the survey carried out for Qare, nearly 40% have already had to cancel leisure time to take care of the health of their loved ones, compared to 28% of men. This situation is particularly true among young mothers (between 25 and 34 years old): 20% say they often set aside their social and personal life for the health of their loved ones, compared to 4% of men. “I very often canceled personal or professional appointments or had to take days off to take care of the health of the children, confirms Stéphanie. I have more than once found myself spending sleepless nights in the emergency room or going to knock on the gendarmerie at midnight after a visit to SOS Médecins. »

Not only are they forced to give up on their own commitments or hobbies, women also often pay out of pocket for taking care of the health of their loved ones. While they continue to receive an average net monthly salary 22.3% lower than that of men, women spend on average more than men for their health and that of their household, mainly between the ages of 18 and 50.

But the most significant cost of this medical burden is actually reflected in the health of those first concerned. According to the survey conducted by Qare, one in three women (33%) have already given up or postponed care for themselves to take care of the health of others. Dounia thus confesses that, since her delivery a year and a half ago, she has not done any follow-up, not even her perineal rehabilitation. “I have to do a smear, but I had to cancel three times because the health of my daughters and that of my mother come before mine, blows the mother of the family. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough days off for their appointments and mine. »

Women must also agree to slow down

As significant as this mental burden is for women, Dr. Salomon nevertheless reminds us that there are levers to lighten it. And this is played from early childhood, by offering both boys and girls imitation games such as the doll or the doctor. “There is also the question of the exemplarity of dads: they must be encouraged to invest from maternity. In this, the extension of paternity leave is good news », continues the pediatrician, who is also counting on more actions in terms of public health: promotion of sick child days among men and their employers, information from Security social sent to both parents, and not only to the mother….

Finally, underlines the doctor, women must “agree to slow down”. “They will have the impression of not being up to par, of not fulfilling this part of femininity that is associated with taking charge of health. If we manage to make them understand that they remain good mothers, good companions even if they delegate this responsibility to their spouse, that will also help. »

* The first name has been changed.