“With my boyfriend, we had a rocky relationship,” recalls Alicia. « He used to leave me in blockade or the day before an exam. Since I was already very stressed by my studies, I lived it very badly. I spent horrible blockades. » Lauren experienced the same thing. « He left me two weeks before the blockade. I think it’s the most complicated blockade I’ve had. I already had the stress, the fatigue and the pressure, so having the sadness on top of that.. . As I was studying alone, my mind would wander every time I opened a book. I had a really hard time concentrating. »
This will no doubt seem anecdotal to some, but breaks during a blockade or exams can have significant consequences on a student’s career. « Personally, I failed all my exams that time, » says Laura. Emily arrived crying at one of her tests. « I met my ex on the way to the audience, he denied me. It made me so sad that I collapsed in front of my paper. I obviously failed that exam. »
“We receive students throughout the year who are going through complicated breakups,” explains Aline De Witte, psychologist at the student support service at UCLouvain. « The blockade adds an extra layer in the sense that it’s already a stressful time for many. Some students are also more isolated at this time of year and it can be more difficult for them to take their mind off things, » continues -she.
Everyone has their own way of coping
In any case, there is no universal way to manage a breakup. « For some, the break will be beneficial. For others, it will be devastating. Each person is different », continues Aline De Witte. « A breakup is like a bereavement. The process can be long. The best advice we could give to students is to talk about it, whether it’s to their loved ones or to a shrink. We are here for them. listen and help them, » she recalls.
Note that there is no shame in feeling bad and taking the time to digest the news. « I felt stupid for being so ill and for not being able to study, » recalls Loïc. « I kept everything to myself. Then, after several days, I spoke about it to a friend who told me that it was normal to be stunned by all this, that he understood that it was hard. It wasn’t much, but it did me a lot of good. »
“Personally, I managed to turn this break into a force. I told myself that it was not because I missed my session that everything would be better”, continues Alicia. « Even if in love, things weren’t going well, I wanted the rest to work. I told myself that he had already ruined my blockade, he wasn’t going to ruin my vacation and make me have a second sess. Finally, I have never had such good results“, she jokes. Laurine also explains that she immersed herself in her classes so as not to think about it anymore. « I consulted a shrink to get better. She was the one who gave me the click. For me, passing my exams was my way of saying that I was not letting myself go. »
« Sometimes we see students who are in denial during their exams, who manage to study almost normally, then let go of everything. Others are in a phase of sadness and anger, which prevents them from studying. Everyone will not react in the same way. It is important to let your emotions speak, » underlines Aline De Witte.
Camille, for example, explains that she was unable to work. « I haven’t opened my classes the whole blockade, » she says. « I listened to myself as I had never done before. When I wanted to cry, I cried. I gave myself time to go bad, telling myself that there was worse than failing his exams . Then there is the second session which is made to make up for it. Failure is part of success. My mental health came first. » Finally, the young woman still tried her luck and passed the majority of her exams. « I quickly re-read my notes before passing them and, as I was diligent throughout the year, I succeeded ». Laura, she has not succeeded at all. « I was bummed to drag out those classes the following year, but I figured I was bound to pass them eventually and make up for it. The most important thing was that I was okay, and I am now. . »
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