This week is dedicated to caregivers, those people who support a person deprived of autonomy and who are in denial of their exhaustion… Julie Arcoulin’s column pays tribute to them by giving some tips to avoid slipping into burn- out.
Little is said about it, yet many caregivers feel alone and helpless. But by the way, what is a caregiver? He is a person who very frequently brings his help to a close person who loses or does not have his own autonomy. This assistance is provided outside the framework of a profession or even voluntary work, as defined by law.
According to a public health survey in Belgium, 9% of the population (aged 15 and over) provide help or care at least once a week to a member of their household, family and/or to someone outside the family. Among them, 20% of carers devote 20 hours a week or more to providing help or care. That’s enough people to talk about it and put them in the spotlight, right?
Consequences on health and morale
Among them, many declare that since they invest themselves so much in the help and well-being of a member of their close entourage, they have physical pain, feel alone and misunderstood, little taken into account, allow themselves more leisure time, some of them have even increased their consumption of drugs. A vast majority of them are women.
What happens to people who help others?
The great difficulty encountered by these women and men is that they take their role extremely seriously. They devote themselves body and soul who for a mother, a father, who for a child, … to the detriment of themselves and completely disregarding their well-being and their health. They sacrifice themselves, in a way.
It is well known that people working in the aid sector do so by vocation, by a visceral need to help others. Those who make it their profession are trained, study, they are taught to take a step back, to take care of themselves, … This in no way takes away the merit that is theirs, of course.
However, what differentiates them from caregivers is that the latter have not necessarily chosen their situation, they often do so in addition to their work, have not received the necessary tools to do so while taking care of them, are not socially recognized for what they do and are not compensated for it either. However, for some, help to the loved one can go up to 20 hours per week!
In addition, they are often « at the service » of one of their loved ones, so the emotional factor plays a key role. It is less obvious to keep distance from someone we love, who matters to us. The stakes therefore go far beyond day-to-day aid.
Take care of loved ones, Yes, but…
Because everything depends on your ability to continue to live outside your role, your ability to continue to take care of yourself. You have to be careful not to do « too much », not to take charge of things that are not within your competence.
Very often, I notice that members of a family take turns at the bedside of a grandmother, a grandfather, a sick person,… This has its limits, which are none other than the field of your skills. If there are medical actions to be taken, it is better to call on someone whose job it really is.
It is also a very complex relationship that develops between two close people, one of whom depends on the other. Which releases emotions and feelings of guilt, influence, psychic domination, a certain form of insidious violence in extreme cases… What is important is to always question in one’s soul and conscience the established relationship, and correct together or with outside help any bad habits that may have developed.
How not to burn out?
Whether for helping professions or for caregivers, the important thing is also to think about taking care of yourself! Do not forget yourself in the adventure, the pain of cracking and having to take a break imposed by the body that can’t take it anymore. In other words, burnout. Caregiver burnout is real and should be taken seriously. I remember the column I wrote on the subject, it was a great success. This means that this phenomenon affects (too) many people.
So, here are some rules to apply if you are a caregiver or if your profession is one of the helping professions:
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Take at least half a day a week to do something that makes you feel good (rest, do nothing, do things for yourself, etc.)
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Avoid, as much as possible, doing things out of obligation. It is essential that there is also a dimension of pleasure. And know that even when you do all this with your heart, there are certain days when it’s harder. There is nothing to feel guilty about!
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Do not hesitate to go see someone to verbalize your commitment, to talk about it in all its dimensions, to confide what weighs on you, to lay down your burden for a moment. You don’t have to carry all of this alone.
See you next week.
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