Adopt an introvert!

Olivier Niquet studied urban planning before becoming a radio host for Radio-Canada in 2009 on the programs Le Sportnographe and La soiree est (encore) jeune. He is also a columnist, author, speaker, screenwriter and all sorts of other things. He is particularly interested in the media but defines himself as an expert in versatility.

The aura of mystery that I exude (yes, that’s an understatement) makes some people unable to circumscribe me, while others accept me as soon as they hear me not talking to them. Those people who can’t read me probably think I’m silently judging them — an assumption I won’t deny, though I don’t think I judge more than others. The introvert does not have a monopoly on the judgment of others.

Since I’m not inclined to reach out to others, it often takes longer for me to make friends. However, it’s not that I don’t want to reach out to others. On the contrary, I spend my life thinking of ways to approach people; ways that I never put into practice. It’s all the more complicated because, since I’m not as expressive as others, people think I’m not interested in their lives. It’s quite the opposite: I am attentive, I record, I listen. Conversely, I’m certain that those for whom being interested in the other person in a discussion amounts to bringing everything back to themselves have a much better reputation when it comes to social relations than I do. According to a University of Kansas study, it takes about fifty hours of interacting with someone to become their friend, ninety hours to become their good friend, and at least two hundred hours to become their best friend. At the rate at which I interact with people, thirty seconds here, thirty seconds there, you have to have a lot of patience to adopt me.

Still, I tend to get along well with outgoing people. There’s a meme floating around the dark web of introversion that features a pie chart. The title: “How introverts make friends. On the graph, a small blue dot representing about five percent of the circle, with the following caption: “A dog counts as a friend. The rest of the graphic, colored orange, is captioned, « Extrovert finds and adopts. » It’s funny because it’s true. I was adopted by several extroverts. It’s that I’m a very good listener, which particularly appeals to those who suffer from verbal incontinence and who appreciate a captive audience. I even have a certain tendency to attract more exuberant people. I have always maintained friendships with rather noisy people: intense actresses, overly warm artists, endearing ADHD. Among other things because they are entertaining, but also because they have a certain ease in making friends, which makes my job much easier.

According to Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, author of the book The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together, history is filled with extrovert/introvert duos who have done great things. She gives as examples Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards or Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg. We could also add Guy Carbonneau and Chris Nilan or Bobino and Bobinette. According to Kahnweiler, introverts see extroverts as people who talk without thinking, who use too many words, who are poor listeners, and who are self-focused. Extroverts, on the other hand, are frustrated with introverts who they find slow to respond, lacking in emotion, and unimpressed with their social accomplishments. They don’t understand the need for introverts to have moments of solitude. However, we can take advantage of the complementarity of these two types of personalities to carry out projects and learn how to act from our “complement”.

What is now known as “the fiery virus” has highlighted the importance of this complementarity. Introverts are said to have been better able to “survive” the loneliness of confinement than extroverts. You didn’t need Papineau’s head to guess it. Professor Arthur C. Brooks of the Harvard Kennedy School attempted, in the magazine The Atlantic, to list what introverts can learn from extroverts, and vice versa, in times of confinement. According to him, introverts should be inspired by the pleasure that extroverts have in telling everyone about their future and their plans. It would be a good way to dream of the next world. It’s true that I tend not to talk about my projects before they materialize. I want to avoid the humiliation of having to announce my failures. This probably reveals that there is a part of ego in my introversion. The extrovert will take the risk of humiliation, not me. Extroverts, on the other hand, should have taken advantage of the pandemic to maintain their deep friendships. In times of crisis, it is better to have a few very close friends than several acquaintances who are sometimes maintained simply for social gain.

However, my two greatest successes are the result of this cooperation. My family, first: you wouldn’t believe how wonderful my children are (yes, more so than yours). My professional career is also the result of this kind of networking. I would never do the work that I do if I hadn’t teamed up with extroverts who knew much better than me how to sell and energize our projects. This network should inspire business leaders and politicians.